My First Chess Tournament (Death Sword - 400,000,000)

My first chess tournament was such an experience, one I doubt I'll ever forget. Tournament chess has a myriad of rules detailing regulations for every possible dispute or situation one might come across during a chess tournament, like if a caribou accidentally runs in and knocks over your pieces, I read them all and know that caribous have cost a lot of talented chess players GM norms. I remember the ordeal vividly, I did almost everything wrong, I didn't rest, what if I slept too long and missed the tournament. I studied for hours and hours before the tournament, starved myself so I wouldn't have to drop a deuce during a critical move, tried new openings to be creative, getting into positions I wasn't familiar with against FMs. The day couldn't have got any more embarrassing, until my last game, it was against a beautiful woman by the name of Maxine, she was older and had a classic beauty look like Jane Russell. I was only eleven and not really into girls, I'd make out with my babysitters till Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came on and what not, but wasn't a big to do, anyhow, she held out her hand and I nervously shook it. I had an urge to throw her down and jump her, although she was bigger than me. I'm not usually that aggressive, but I could almost smell her sex. To my surprise, she took her clothes off, and we proceeded to make love on the chess board, hitting the clock after each time one of us would finish. She asked how she tasted and I said as beautiful as an early autumn pomegranate wine, to which she said was rather odd and she better schedule a gynecologist appointment. After an hour we agreed on a draw, we held each other, it was a marvelous feeling to lie there, side by side with a lover, after great chess and sex. I impressed her with my spot on Krang impersonation and she promised to keep in touch through her BBS in which she gave me SysOp privileges. She caught me flirting with Violet the barmaid in Legend of the Red Dragon and she ended things, but it was fun while it lasted, and I banged all her friends after. I was too young at the time to go after for child support so even though we weren't at the chess board, I was still eliminating her only counter-play. Chess teaches you a lot, and I recommend everyone to go to as many tournaments as possible.